"Wimping Out"

(Image courtesy of Yevrey.com)

Chabakuk Elisha commenting on I Am Not - Regret:

I also suspect that my liking for Irgun fighters is similarly inspired – I also suspect that this is not at all uncommon. When we talk about Channuka or Purim, (or as a Chossid, the same can applied to the great moments in Chassidic history) – we are inspired by the struggles to overcome opposition and stand up and fight for your beliefs in the face of great hatred – no doubt people, like myself, who felt that they lacked that kind of intestinal fortitude are impressed by, and aspire to, that inner strength.

As a child I was an appeaser; I avoided conflict at all cost, and allowed myself to be bullied on many occasions. I became very skilled at diffusing situations - telling myself that I was being a better person, that I was above fighting, but knowing in my heart that I was just "wimping out."

I grew in a fairly liberal area, so pacifism was somewhat of an ideal - but I knew that I was selling myself out.

I wish I would have stood up for myself then; at this point in my life, I try hard to make sure my backbone is in place - and not be fall prey to my tendency to avoid conflict. I also want my children to stand up for themselves, and not be taken advantage of (when I would probably not have at their age). I try to speak to them about this often.

I remember reading that a certain Rebbe’s father would often read him stories from Chazal & Tanach that displayed inner courage and strength when he was a small child, in order to infused him with these qualities.